My not so little baby boy is 4 today. Everyone says it but I can’t quite believe how fast the past 4 years have whizzed by.
On the 25th July 2014, you came in to the world Finley sausage and changed everything. You will never understand how the hours dragged whilst we were all waiting for you, see how your Daddy slept on a chair for 4 nights waiting for something to happen. You won’t appreciate the volume of texts, the Facebook messages and the phone calls, enquiring if there was any movement, even any twinges to which the answer was always a regretful ‘no, sorry! Check back in a few hours!’ The pain of pessary’s, endless internal examinations at all hours, whilst the sun pulsed outside basking us in a heatwave.
I will tell you the story when you are older of how I finally convinced your Daddy to pop back home for a power nap and a shower at 5am on the day you arrived, only to have to urgently summon him back the minute he had pulled on to the driveway at home. It’s so funny now but at the time everything is magnified, it’s so stressful, so worrying.
You will never hear your Nanny Mary knock frantically on the delivery room door after sitting outside in the waiting area all evening. She was told that Baby M would be arriving imminently after being sent outside hours before. She regularly describes it as ‘the worst night of her life!’ Try not to be too offended – it’s actually a huge compliment to you how much you meant to her even before you arrived!
You finally arrived at 10:37pm that evening, after a lot of pain and pushing, not even knowing my own name let alone feeling happy about the event that was about to happen. It wasn’t textbook, it wasn’t totally straightforward, but we got through it. All 3 of us pretty much unscathed! I wasn’t prepared for how difficult that bit of parenting was going to be. But that’s our story now, part of how you came in to our world.
And as the cliche say’s and it’s so so true….it was worth every bit of pain!
Over the past year, you have pretty much mastered speech. It makes me totally burst with a bubble of emotion inside seeing you practice so hard on the sounds you find difficult. I hear you pottering round the house saying ‘mmmm’ and ‘p’ and ‘d’ just like we do together. You have such a quiet determination to get things right and to do your best at everything, and this is one thing that you are determined to crack. We are getting there, and considering how you spoke so much later than all of your friends, now we cannot get a word in edgeways! I have no issue at all with your endless chatter. You were quiet for so long, your stories, your facts, your questions… I could listen to them all day long.
Your passion for music is totally amazing. You play the guitar so carefully and bash the drums so hard. You know the words to all of your favourite songs, you know all of the albums you like, you know the track listing of each album, who plays which instrument. You love live music and dancing and it makes me so happy to see you so happy.
I love how you sit and read books and how advanced you have become just like I was at early reading and how much pleasure they give you. You collect books and take such pride in putting them on your shelf in order. You love your box of Mr Men books and at first it astounded us how you remembered which Mr Man was which number, now it’s just part of you and we know now that you remember so many facts and figures. You definitley take after your Daddy. I see so much of him in you.
At the moment you are collecting the Little People, Big Dreams books and you tell us facts about amazing women such as Emmeline Pankhurst and Rosa Parks. You love The Gruffalo, Room On The Broom and all the other Julia Donaldson books and can recite most of them now to us, making us join in with you for the funny bits!
It makes me so proud seeing how unbelievably kind you are. You always offer other people chocolates or biscuits before taking your own. You always come home so concerned if one of your friends is upset at nursery. You’ve started putting the news on for me in the mornings when we come downstairs as you know I like to watch it when I get up, and when we listen to music every so often you choose a song I like because ‘I know this is one of your favourite one’s Mommy.’
You always let other children take toys, even if you are playing with it yourself. Part of me wants you to stick up for yourself, but I can’t change you, you are sensitive and gentle and for now at least, me and Daddy are here to fight your battles. In time, it will come to you.
I’m sorry if sometimes I’m overprotective of you. If I follow you around a little too much when we are out in play areas, if I clutch your hand too tightly when we walk about in public. You are my whole world and I feel like my happiness is so fragile. I can’t quite believe how lucky I got the day I gave birth to you and I feel like it could all be snatched away so quickly.
So as your third year draws to a close, and you finish your year at nursery and look forward to starting big school in September, my beautiful Finley, I want to say thank you for making Motherhood so wonderful. Thanks for the kisses, the cuddles and the endless jokes you tell. You light up the world of everyone around you. It’s an absolute privilege to be your Mommy.
Happy birthday to my happy boy….here’s to another 12 months of adventures!